(Camera pans the crowd, Big Pimp Daddy is up the back explaining to the police why nine hookers came up and gave him money, some notable signs are "Vlad the Impaler sucks! Oh yeah, he does too!" and "We want Ugly Kid Joe!". The camera focuses on the threesome of DJ Seedy, Billy-Bob Johnson and Nitsuj Yssov.)
Hi an' welcome ta da sixth Fridee,is a proud day for any homey when a bruva returns ta da limelight, an' we all welcome back da one an' only Nitsuj!
It's a pleasure to be back and I'm over the weirdo thing now, but first off we have to welcome Billy-Bob.
Howdy Nitsuj, well, it's real good, I say, real good to have you back here in this doggone arena. What have we got on tonight's card?
Before I go through the card we have to go down ringside for President Kowalski, he has a few things to say.
President Kowalski: I not happy with way I been treated on tDDD. Pres K want to know why that bad man come and ruin chance for Pres K to get title. So Pres K is making clear one thing, no matter who challenges you it ain't gonna happen. Pres K here you ask why? And that because you messed around with the Greencard Warrior, Pres K want nothing doing with native Romania, so idle threats about motherland aren't hurting Pres K. You, at May 6 PPV, will take on the first Romanian to hit FCoGW, and don't matter what you do, you got match with President Kowalski at May 6 PPV, so there is the match. You have no say, you took my blood without asking, I take whatever I can from you with Greencard Warrior Force!
That was Pres K laying down the line for Vlad the Impaler who comes up against the bLaCk KnIgHt. Then we have the Mighty Ice Cream Guy going against the Bullseye Kid. A stable versus stable six man tag match with Hawaii Five-O taking on D-Vine Intervention. Obviously without the injured Kowalski. The main event is after that with Sitcom Sam going against Big Pimp Daddy to see who takes on the Global Champ, Slobber D. Jobber at Fridee 7.
I am predictin' dat bK an' da Man will be takin' it to da streets fo' May 6 PPV, what you boys reckon o' dat?
I agree there on that thare, I say, that thare prediction. But I can't really see any titles on the line.
No way man, nobody will let dere titles go on da line fo' dis one.
For sure there'll be title on the line, you can challenge, remember?
Oh yeah, I forgot 'bout dat! I reckon it time ta go down ta Springer fo' da first match o' dis evenin'.
This contest is set for one-fall. From Transylvania, weighing 387 pounds, Vlad the Impaler! ("Enter Sandman" plays as the psycho Romanian walks down the runway giving everyone evil stares. No response whatsoever.)
And his opponent from Memphis, Tennesse, weighing 386 pounds, accompanied by Lucy Lawless, bLaCk KnIgHt! ("Black Night" by Purple Haze plays as he gets a good pop from the crowd. Out comes the oddly dressed man to see his crazy opponent.)
DING! DING!
bK giving up one pound and four inches tonight in this match up as Vlad goes right to it with a running forearm. Down goes bK and Vlad pops him into a Boston Crab.
Lucy Lawless comes inta da ring and slips da old squirrel grip on da Impaler. Da old nutcracker hold does it everytime as he lets go o' bK an' goes afta her.
He's crazzier than a rattler that's been out in the sun without any sunscreen!
bK from behind with the bulldog and he bounds up the turnbuckle and there's a flying kneedrop. Vlad not containinng a full control as we have usually seen here in the FCoGW.
He wrestled once so don't have dat much control.
Really?
Yeah really, dat homey ain't nothin' but a whacked out wine drinker.
Blood drinker.
I am not!
No, I meant that thare critter.
Oh, I fought yo' foun' out 'bout what I did on Satur.... Never min' about Saturday!
bK slipping on a Scorpion Deathlock but Vlad over powers it somehow and escapes to throw bK into the turnbuckle.
An' dat high crossbody was higher dan Joe Cocker on a Saturd..... Never mind about Saturday!
Vlad drags out bK and sets him up for the Spike, and there it is, a sort of spiked piledriver. And bK gets up?!?
My goodness, he got more guts than, I say, more guts than Luciano Pavarotti!
No jokes about weight, 'right?
Hey pardner, you ain't even fat!
Oh yeah, choke slam an' da cover by Vlad, 1...2...3!
Here's your winner, Vlad the Impaler!
He's seems a strong wrestler but lacks experience.
Experience is the key, I say, the key to any man's success. Look at me right here commentating!
You've never had any other experience in wrestling commentating! You were a cattle rustler!
Exactly, and I rest my case!
But you nev... Oh dammit, go to the next match!
This is for the FCoGW Alliance Hero title, from somewhere in Alaska, weighing 202 pounds, accompanied by Icy the Ice Cream Cone, the Mighty Ice Cream Guy! ("Pop goes the Weasel" plays and everyone pulls out umbrellas. The crowd boo him as he and Icy throw ice creams at them.)
And his opponent, from Detroit, weighing 213 pounds, the Facical Confederacy of Gimmick Wrestlers Alliance Hero, the Bullseye Kid. ("Loser" by Beck plays as the Bullseye Kid walks out. He sees his opponent and asks for a microphone.)
The Bullseye Kid: Ya know, I ain't lettin' smelly here try for my belt. He smells!
That's rather petty for a wrestler to say, but it is the Bullseye Kid, TMICG gets a mike.
The Mighty Ice Cream Guy: What makes you say that?
TBK: I seen you last night wrestling, and all you did was fart!
TMICG: I did not!
TBK: Did too!
TMICG: Did no... Dammit, get you ass into the ring so I can whip it like frozen yoghurt!
TBK: No way Jose! I don't want some smelly guy touching me, especially an icky ice cream guy!
TMICG: Hey, respect the dairy products, you'll need them some day!
TBK: Yeah well, tonight, you miss your chance at my title, why? Coz I'm the king of the castle and your the sirty rascal!
We just saw TBK decline from a match with newbie, the Mighty Ice Cream Guy, for the Alliance Hero and quite frankly, I don't blame him. I mean, who'd want some fresh ass punk taking their title away?
Well, if Big Pimp Daddy win tonigh', Slobber D. don't get no damn choice but wrestle and defen' dat title!
It seems rather incoherrent of the Doc to match-up a newbie to a title holder in his second match, it seems unfair to those who have tried to get somewhere.
It's caled beginner's luck bruva, an' dat's da best kinda luck yo' can get!
I don't know about you varments but I'm ready, I say, I'm ready for the six-man tag match.
Righto, we go down to Jesse now for Hawaii Five-O to take on D-Vine Intervention.
This is set for one bleed, at a combined weight of 1022 pounds, accompanied by Miss D-Vine and representing D-Vine Intervention, the Man, Loose Change and J.L. Dollars! ("Stagger Lee" plays by Nick Cave as the threesome come down, the crowd cheer for the Man but they notably dislike Team Money Bags.)
And at a weight of 1132 pounds is the members of Hawaii Five-O, Abe, Hawaiian Harry and Hawaiian Harvey! ("Got the Life" plays as the three men walk down the runway, they all cheer the three event though Abe is a heel, he did kick the crap outta bK at tDDD!)
DING! DING!
Abe and J.L. start it off with Abe trying to prove himself here in the FCoGW, Abe with roundhouse right and the Man dropping like a sack of spuds.
Are yo' Irish or somethin'?
Nope, that's just the best damndest colloquialism I ever heard! Abe with the spinning toe hold and the Man writhing in pain.
That's what that thare crowd came to see, some criiter howling like a coyote!
He ain't just howlin' like a coyote, he howlin' like it's 1989!
What's that mean?
What's what mean?
Howling like it's 1989, what's that mean?
I dunno, what is it, a riddle?
But you said it! Oh dammit, Loose Change breaks the hold and clotheslines Abe. The Man using the new found advantage and has Abe with a mandible claw, but Abe connects with a low blow.
Da Man staggerin' 'round like a bruva with a mull fire! Harry climbs da turnbuckle, an' Abe tags in midair!
Flying high crossbody from the newly tagged West Islander, as he locks on a armbar submission. The Man again needs help from a Money Bag and it's Loose Change again but over the ropes bounds Harvey who powerbombs Loose Change.
I plum thought that thare Loose Change, I say, thare Loose Change was gonna go right through the floor!
The Man still under the influence of Harry's armbar, and he can't get out. J.L. attempts to save him but can't get past Harvey who throws him at Loose Chane and the Man has tapped out after 17secs.
Here are your winners, Abe, Hawaiian Haarry and Harvey, Hawaii Five-O!
Well, I thought that's what was going to happen and my sneaking suspicion told me that the extra pounds, being Harvey, was the upper for the little stable.
I tells yo' now, Harvey is only strong coz o' dose pineapples, day makes a homey strong an' all dat jazz.
I once knew a woman who was real strong, she kicked the crap outta, I say, kicked the crap outta me once so I divorced her!
Anyway we'd better get ready for the main event.
This is one-fall, coming in first, from Salt Lake City, weighing 312 pounds, accompanied by Janitor Joe, Sitcom Sam! (The ER theme plays as Sam dressed up as a doctor comes down the runway with a chart.)
And his opponent from Las Vegas, weighing in at 298 pounds, Big Pimp Daddy! (Some slutty dico music plays as Big Pimp Daddy comes down with somw of his merchandise. These fine ladies go out into the crowd and start on some audience members, great pop!)
DING! DING!
Big Pimp Daddy made an impressive debut and this match could set up his career here in the FCoGW. He hits Sam with a forearm smash and then he picks him up for a jack-knife powerbomb, there it is, Sam's dazed and looks as if hje doesn't know where he is.
I fink dat if a bruva spends a night wit' one o' Big Pimp Daddy's hos they wouldn't knows where day been either!
Big Pimp Daddy lifts up Sam and slams him down with an inverted atomic drop. Sitcom Sam is wishing he had medical degrees to go with that uniform.
Sam ain't all that shabby, he just gotta find a weakness, and he's a critter that can exploit them weaknesses.
Right now Big Pimp Daddy is ruling the roost and Sam is just another bummed out customer. The Pimp with a hiptoss and then a few stomps onto the face of Sam. This is so one sided.
This is more one sided than a chicken with it's head cut off!
Chicken's still have two sides when their heads are cut off.
Dammit, I figured dat out now, but no so much earlier, right?
Big Pimp Daddy with the cover, 1..2..kickout! Big Pimp Daddy stands up Sam and whips him into the ropes, big dropkick from the Pimp.
Sitcom Sam had better pull dat damn finger out before it gets broken an' he loses his chance at da Global Champ!
Sitcom Sam is under threats of losing tthis shot and there's the big guy with a jumping DDT, Sam looks out of this already.
I wonder how much a trick is?
Dere ain't no magicians here in th.... Oh, "trick"! I get yo'!
The Big Pimp Daddy is having a gay old time as he hits Sitcom Sam with a brain buster, this is murder folks, pure, and simple murder! The Pimp with the Pimp Hammerlock drop, a very different reverse DDT. And there's the cover, 1...2...thshoulderup!
How'd dat boy get himself enough energy toget that ugly butt o' his off of dat mat?
I don't know but he sure as hell shoulda stayed down. The big guy with a facerake followed by a forearm smash. Sam down again, this time he's rolled up in an inside cradle! 1...2...3!
Here's your winner, Big Pimp Daddy!
Gallant effort by Sam there, he tried and gave his best, and that's what it's all about!
Cut da crap man, he sucked more dan Billy-Bob's mama did ta get his ass into college!
What did you say 'bout my college?
Bruva, I was not baggin' yo' college, I was baggin' yo' mama!
Just as long as you, I say, long as you leaves my college outta this!
Well, I'll see you at the PPV and that's all for tonight's Fridee!
I'll be at da May 6 PPV too, so don't miss out on Fridee 7, or da PPV fo' dat matter!
I'm goin' home to visit my mama, bye folks, I'm Billy-Bob Johnson with DJ Seedy and Nitsuj Yssov signing out!